is not a easy day recently..
a lods of thngy come and make a mess around me~~~
i dunno wad to do~~is kinda helpless...
is been smtime tat i start to bein emo again~~

thrs practical to worry~till now i havnt gt any offer...i hope i gt it soon~~watchin ppl securing thr place is smthng not nice to bear...smthng tat making u nervous...

thrs assgment and case study which i really not gud at...im not the ppl whu can derive and change thngy~~this is juz not my thng..i admit i choose a wrong course..smthng which i dun really like, smthng which i dun really knw, smthng which i really weak at...bt wad done is done...i only can bear wif it, tat no1 could understand...when study smthng tat is not ur hooby, ur interest or smthng tat u gud at, is really torturing...and is hard to endure all those..

den i haf a vry vry wierd and bad thought recently..
>>throwing all my thngy at church and went back like be4...the day whr i dun really care bout wad happen in church again..i knw this is vry wrong bt i cant help it..like be4 i not need worry much, not need to care much...come and go as i like..tat i dun need to be so tired, tat i can haf fun 2gether wif my coursemate...
smthng muz be really really wrong when i haf such thought....
>>trying hard to resist such thought and temptation...i knw i muz stand firm against it..i dun wan to go back the dark day like be4, like a living corpse...i wish to serve GOD more bt facing the obstacle is smthn i cant really handle...bt temptation of being ignorant and having fun is kinda huge...
>>i knw i kinda disappoint as thngy goin frm gud to bad...im heart wish to serve GOD bt maybe ppl dun understand, or i dunno hw to deliver it...y dun they juz come to me and tell me bout it so i can change?instead of talking behind me?instead of not happy wif me?or hinting me this and tat and left me puzzle whole nite till i cant sleep?
>>i knw im not a prefect ppl..i cant be as so call 'holy' as u ppl might think..im juz an ordinary guy...sobb....i cant stand the arrow frm behind..i do care a lods wad ppl think bout me...not tat i wan it for myself, bt i scare i do thng wrongly, i do not wad smthng tat ppl build destroyed by my own hand...i fear GOD will punish me for messing up HIS church...i fear tat ppl will shun me...i fear..fear...i really fear...
>>i knw im emo-ing...i feel tat im so conflicting..-.-|||

i do wish to cry~~~~hiding in bed..hope to nvr wake up again~~~